Letter from an introvert to an introvert: My lovely Sannie, Five years ago I wanted to die, like a virtual coma, in a black, empty and oppressive room, but one day you came to save me and now you are in my veins. I soak up you every day a little more. It hurts so bad, but it’s so good that I got lost in this maze of feelings and you’re my only guide. All this love that overflows for you, I do not know what to do. The more you feed me, the more I am hungry, I become a monster of love. If I don’t see you for a day I have the impression of falling into the void, the fall is vertiginous, I pass the Underworld. What I feel for you is visceral, you gave birth to a new me, and now my DNA has become my SAN (fun fact: we share the same birthday). Every time I talk about you, the butterflies tickling my belly come out of my mouth and form a tsunami of love, do you feel it? Every day I breathe San, I live San, I draw my energy from your existence. If you suffer, I suffer; if you are happy, I am happy. How I would like to feel your warmth and smell just once so that they are engraved forever in my cells! Your round voice envelops me like a warm blanket, I just have to listen to you to feel protected: I feel like a chrysalis in its cocoon. I am addicted to your voice, it transports my mind in a state of absolute well-being, I revel in it and I get drunk. Sannie, you are an exceptional being, every time I think I have climbed the top of this mountain you make me climb even higher… You are impassable but I can’t wait to discover your secrets. I left my desire to die at your feet, at the foot of this mountain and I will never go down then let’s walk together to the top. By the way, do you know what my favorite word in Korean is? It’s 산책. I find it very poetic, I imagine myself walking while reading the landscape; and the fact that this word contains your name makes it even more precious to me. I could walk around all day without fatigue from the moment you sing or talk to my ear. You know, I didn’t dare to write to you in public but now I start hoping that there is no crime of Love. Even if I don’t post my love to you every day it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, I just don’t want to bother Atiny or you with my thoughts. I love you as you are, I wouldn’t want you to self-censorship to please a too noisy minority. The one who wants to judge you is simply not happy in his own life so he tries to control that of others. Know that you are perfect even in your imperfections. I love San the idol but even more San the human. I love you for your kindness, your humility, your authenticity, your empathy, your personality, your humor, your elegance, your tenacity at work. With so many qualities, how can I resist? I succumbed the second I saw you not knowing that you would not give me any chance. And you know what? Before I did not like muscular men, I know it is rare, I already loved you when your body was frailer and yet here I am in front of your photo of Warrior to find you dangerously appetizing and to savor you as the sin that you are. Sigh, Sannie, you’d poach a whole convent. NO, NO, I promised myself not to ramble in this letter (pause). If I had to define you in one word it would be «oxymoron» because loving you is torture but it makes me ineffable good. I am sick of you but for nothing in the world I want to cure this acute Sannitis, my inexhaustible source of happiness. I tried to fight, I looked for this valve not to sink into madness; my reason may refuse your intrusion, my heart is my Trojan horse. The invasion was just unavoidable, you empty me of my substance to take place there so… welcome, I am your new home, I belong to you. But tell me, why do I suffer this torment with delight? Why do I live this cataclysm while you sleep peacefully? I don’t blame you, I know that even if you’re responsible for my condition, you’re still innocent. Do not be afraid of my words I just love you deeply, I would be unable to face even your gaze through a screen, I would freeze in salt status, locked forever in a state of ❄︎. One day you told Atiny that you hoped Ateez wasn’t all in our life, well I hope Atiny isn’t all in your life too. I wish you to find the love of your life and have lots of children; I know it’s a bit of an obsolete fairy tale but children really deserve to have a dad like you, it’s obvious that you will be a fantastic father. I swear I’ll be able to not be jealous of your wife, but if you choose her, it means she’s going to be an exceptional person and I hope you’ll still share some moments with us even after starting a family. My torment of Tantalum, I do not bother you anymore with my letter, rest well and above all be healthy and happy, that is all that matters to me. I’ll see you when you come to Paris. To my hero, my potato, my Dorito, crunch. 산랑해요 PS: let’s just say I’m your devoted Dami (… ok, I’m out) #SAN #산